Rishta Report: What Aunties Don’t Tell You

Dear Mimi,

Welcome to my new little tid-bit, Rishta Report. As I continue to go thru this tumultuous journey that Nani is convinced is actually one of the best things I can do, might as well share them all with you, so that you know what to expect when you’re older. Or you can wallow with me in your misfortune when your time comes. Either one, your choice.

Starting now, I’ll “report” (see what I did there) on the ups and (hopefully not many) downs of this process, and we’ll see how it goes. Better than being on ‘The Bachelor’, right?


Rishta Report: What the Aunties Don’t Tell You

Once you hit 20, all the aunties automatically know. It’s like they have an alarm so that they know when they can start pestering you about getting married. Where these alarms are, I have yet to find out. But when I do, I will destroy them all. I promise.

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Anyway, so now all the aunties are telling you how great it is to be married and automatically deem themselves the matchmaker lady of the world, so they’re all throwing these guys at you and you’re just existing, feeling like this:

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I swear to you, it’s in the auntie handbook. Page 1: ‘First Rule of Being an Auntie: Encourage marriage at all opportunities. Heck, don’t even wait for an opportunity. Just bring it up always and often. And continuously have different rishtas to suggest’. There you go.

No auntie will ever tell you not to get married. It goes against their code. They will tell you life is better with a partner. They will tell you to continue studying after you get married. They will tell you that the good guys won’t wait. They will tell you that you have absolute freedom after marriage. They will tell you how that guy is the sweetest person they’ve ever met and they just knew you two would be a perfect match. They will tell you that all your problems will be fixed. They will tell you that you’ll finally be happy. They will tell you that they’ll finally stop bothering you (ha! just kidding. After marriage comes baby pestering! It never ends.)

But you know what’s ever more bizarre? It’s like they completely forgot what it was like to be in the 20s and in our shoes. Do they not remember how annoying it was when other aunties did this to them? And here’s what they won’t tell you.

  • They won’t tell you the amount of stress you’ll feel to be perfect at all times.
  • They won’t tell you about the constant pressure you’ll have to live up to everyone’s expectations, including your own.
  • They won’t tell you how sometimes it feels like there’s no room for mistakes.
  • They won’t tell you the overwhelming amount of monachopsis you’ll feel (persistently feeling out of place).
  • They won’t tell you the restlessness you’ll feel going through the profiles of guy after guy, just waiting for the right one.
  • They won’t tell you how degraded you’ll feel sometimes.
  • They won’t tell you the amount of self-scrutinizing you’ll do to every one of your pictures, trying to decide which one to send with your profile.
  • They won’t tell you the confusion you’ll face when trying to figure out just what the heck to actually write in your profile.
  • They won’t tell you how disgusted you’ll be with some people’s attitudes about things, especially towards women.
  • They won’t tell you the bitter-sweetness you’ll feel when you see everyone else your age getting engaged around you, and you’re still waiting for your ‘prince’ to get off that damn snail he calls a horse and just start running already.
  • They won’t tell you the excitement of finally finding someone that you think is perfect, but having to pretend like it doesn’t phase you.
  • They won’t tell you to keep things to yourself until something gets solidified.
  • They won’t tell you that sometimes you’ll regret telling your best friend that you tell everything to, but other times you’re glad you did, since she talked some sense into you.
  • They won’t tell you how you’d be willing to sell a kidney just to know what that person thinks about you.
  • They won’t tell you the anxiety you’ll have when meeting someone for the first time.
  • They won’t tell you the amount of jouskas you’ll have (hypothetical conversations on repeat).
  • They won’t tell you that you have to let things run its course and no matter how much you prepare, you can’t really prepare for something like this.
  • They won’t tell you that first impressions are everything.
  • They won’t tell you that you’ll usually know the first time you meet.
  • They won’t tell you the fear you’ll face that it won’t work out.
  • They won’t tell you the worry you’ll have that you might not find the perfect person for you or that you’ll have to lower your standards.
  • They won’t tell that it’s too easy to get caught up in the whole situation.
  • They won’t tell you how much time you’ll waste just pondering over someone.
  • They won’t tell you about the sleepless nights where you’re just begging to God to let everything work out.
  • They won’t tell you how careful you have to be to ask the right questions and to approach things logically.
  • They won’t tell you about the roller-coaster ride your self-esteem will go through: sometimes you’ll feel confident AF, and other times you’ll look in the mirror and see an ugly blob, wondering why anyone would want to marry you in the first place.
  • They won’t tell you that compatibility takes time and takes more than 2 or 3 meetings.
  • They won’t tell you how you’ll go over all 48203957 different possible scenarios in your head multiple times.
  • They won’t tell you the heartbreak of rejection, especially when you thought you could see forever.
  • They won’t tell you how you’ll feel like you weren’t enough.
  • They won’t tell you the amount of tears you’ll cry in secret.
  • They won’t tell you the amount of times you’ll think there’s something wrong with you.
  • They won’t tell you how you’ll have to pretend to be okay sometimes, even if you’re dying inside.
  • They won’t tell you how much time it’ll actually take you to get past it, and truly feel convinced that someone better is coming.
  • They won’t tell you that you have to know and love yourself, before you can know and love someone else.
  • They won’t tell you the agony of just wanting to know how everything works out.

Be weary Mimi. Going through this process is an emotional whirlwind. Remember to stay level and grounded. Do not compromise your morals and values for anyone. The right person won’t ask you to change, he’ll be excited and accept you as you are.

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Love,

Didi

I might have to wait, I’ll never give up
I guess it’s half timing and the other half’s luck
Wherever you are, whenever it’s right
You’ll come out of nowhere and into my life
-Micheal Bublé

 

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