#RishtaRoulette: Stuck in the 1950’s
Him: So what are you planning to do?
Me: I just finished applying to medical school.
Him: Oh. *pause* So you want to be a doctor?
Me: Yeah, that’s the plan.
Him: *even longer pause* Oh.
Me: Is everything okay?
Him: Yeah, it’s just I don’t want to marry someone who will make more money than me.
#RishtaRoulette: Age is but a Number
~So this was actually the dude’s mom, who stopped me as I was coming down the stairs at a banquet. Keep in mind I have no cahoots as to who this lady was. My friend and I were descending the stairs after sneaking up to get some pizza. This is the only time pizza has failed me.~
Her: You look so pretty dear.
Me: Thank you Auntie. *proceeds to keep going down the stairs*
Her: Wait, I want your mom’s number. I want you to marry my son.
Me: *extremely weirded out* My mom is actually in India right now (this was true).
Her: It’s okay, I can call her when she gets back. When is she coming back?
Me: No Auntie. Thank you very much, but I’m too young now. (I was 18).
Her: Nonsense. 18 is a perfect age to get married. My son isn’t that old either. He’s only 28.
#RishtaRoulette: Bollywood’s Biggest Fan
Him: Have you ever met a Bollywood celebrity?
Me: Yeah, I met ShahRukh Khan once.
Him: I’ve met him too. And Hrithik Roshan, Katrina Kaif, Ranbir Kapoor, Deepika Padukone, Parineeti Chopra, Priyanka Chopra, and Siddharth Malhotra.
Me: Oh, cool.
Him: It’s one of the perks of the ‘hashtag diplomat life’ you know? (Yes, I can’t believe he actually used the word ‘hashtag’ in conversation either). If we get married, you’ll get to meet all of them too.
Marriage…with you..?? Never!!
Him: Oh, and Aditya Roy Kapoor. Forgot about him.
Him: *sipping tea* I don’t think I can marry someone who doesn’t drink tea.
Me: I don’t like tea.
Him: Well, I’m not very picky, but as long as you can make good tea, I think we’ll be okay.
Also Me: *imagines wedding day*
#RishtaRoulette: Book Smart
Me: So what books have you read recently?
Him: I don’t read books. Even in high school, I used SparkNotes for everything. Smart, right?
The struggles of a brown girl to get married is not one to overlook. Oh the guys you’ll come across. It’s quite a disgrace to the rest of the brown population.
Hence, I’m introducing a new segment that perfectly captures this experience. Introducing #RishtaRoulette.
So world, if you have any weird, awkward, funny, or embarrassing rishta stories, let me know below! I would love to feature them in this section, mainly because I’m really hoping I’m not the only one with the misfortune of meeting people like this:
Also, while we’re speaking of the horrors of the rishta process, check out The Single Muslimah. She captures the essence of it in hilarious memes. It’s definitely worth a look-see.
Enjoy your childhood Mimi.