Blogging the Bachelor: Women Tell All

Dear Mimi,

Choo choo! Jump aboard the drama train, cuz it’s a movin’! All these crazy women are back, ladies and gentlemen!

And finally, you're actually aware that New Mexico is in the United States unlike some people.

First Chris^2 go party crashing around LA. I didn’t even know that people had Bachelor viewing parties. Is this a thing? It’s literally a bunch of screaming girls jumping all over the place. Why, just why?! I will never understand. Chris says there’s nothing more fun than going around with Chris Harrison doing this. Really Chris, because I can think of 2782935792385 more things more fun than being surrounded by estrogen filled women with nothing better to do on Monday nights.

Wow, Chris actually begins by setting the scene like “A Tale of Two Cities” with that exact same opening line. Yeah cuz the Bachelor is exactly like the start of the French Revolution. Makes perfect sense. Next come the girls. I forgot how many there were.

After watching the playback (dang there really was a loooooooot of drama this season), Britt starts getting emotional and asks Carly why she pretended to be her friend the whole time. She described a scenario where they were having deep conversations and listening to music together and Carly doesn’t know what to say. She is literally trying to come up with a decent answer on the spot. Chris H. then calls Britt up to the “hot seat”. Then Jillian, out of nowhere, starts bashing Carly about how mean she was to Britt and tensions are running high. I’m talking like outer space high. Chris asks Jade what she thought and of course she agrees with Carly and you can see how people are taking sides based on their friendships.

I don’t know how to exactly narrate what happened next, but Chris asks Britt if she really would have lived in Arlington and she says yes, while Carly tells an entirely different story. They argue a lot about what was said and what might have been taken the wrong way and Chris Harrison finally interrupts and declares that they will never see eye to eye, which is 149% true. Britt says that she went on the show to find love and she thinks that she would’ve ended up with Chris if it weren’t for Carly. They cut away for commercial and come back early to show Britt saying again, privately this time, to Chris Harrison that she really thinks she could’ve ended up with Chris. I disagree with this, because if you recall, Britt was already ready to leave the show the night she was sent home and that was NOT because of Carly. It was because of Kaitlyn getting the rose instead of her and she was upset about that. So, as far as that goes, I don’t really know how much I’m buying what she’s selling.

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Blogging the Bachelor: Week 9

Dear Mimi,

You already know what this is! Another week of the Bachelor! Let’s begin a dramatic new episode!

https://twentiestribe.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/giphy.gif(yay for gifs!)

So we (ha! We. Lol), excuse me, they are finally in Bali! It starts off showcasing Bali’s landscape, people and lifestyle, and in the middle of the island’s preview, they show a giant monkey’s face almost butting into the camera. Umm alrighty then, but I agree, monkeys would make me wanna tear my hair out less. Chris points out that there is so much culture in Bali. Well, guess what Chris? There’s actually people here too. Did you see them? Huh? Did ya, did ya, did ya?!

Chris goes on to the say that the resort he is staying at is the most beautiful resort he’s ever been to (read: only resort he’s ever been too) and that he can see himself coming back here for a honeymoon. You think your future wife would wanna come back to a place that you already checked out with not only her, but also two other exes? Let me answer that on behalf of all girls: Heck to the no.

First up is Kaitlyn, who still says “about” in a very cute Canadian way that I just cannot stop smiling everytime she says it. She also has a man laugh, which is very distinct compares to Chris’ girly giggles. But it’s okay because I’m pretty sure I have a man laugh too. Laughter ftw! They go to a temple and check out the spiritual aspects of it while balancing baskets on their heads. The ladies who actually wanted to visit the temple probably just let them do it so they could get out of there, let’s be honest here. Then, they go to a monkey garden and omg, this was hilarious! I’m not even kidding! Seeing all those monkeys grab the bananas from Chris’ hands was so funny and it was even more entertaining to hear Kaitlyn just guffawing away in the background. Wow, that was pure, actual, good amusement that I was not expecting.

A monkey pees on Chris LOL

A monkey pees on Chris LOL

Then we get into the gross mushy gushy. This week seems to be a lot about feelings and “serious conversations” which you know I’m not a fan out. Feelings are not my forte. And this week is called overnight dates, which I’ll leave it at that. I’m not going to reiterate the very double meaning sentences Chris used to explain it at the beginning of the episode. Enough said. The talk will come when it needs to hun.

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They go to some kind of resort thing (is it the same one Chris is staying at?) and THEY DO NOT EAT AT ALL. In fact, now that I think about it, I don’t think I have ever seen them eating on ANY date where there is food. I see them drinking, sure, but eating? Never. Is the food even real? If so, why are they wasting it?! It’s not possible that y’all are never hungry! Aaaaahhhh! My money bets that it’s plastic. Continue reading