First dates, or even first meetings, can be less than graceful. With the holiday season upon us, it’s impossible to predict where we’ll meet someone: at holiday parties, on the plane, happening to pick the last item of something and fighting over it on Black Friday. The possibilities are endless. And heck, for us desi girls, meeting with a rishta for the first time can be (sorry, IS) all sorts of gawky and unpleasant. My advice? Make it into a game.
Okay before you jump to ‘my sister is inexcusably crazy’, hear me out. In the end, we all want someone who we can laugh, have fun, and be ourselves with. And what better litmus test? If the person you’re talking to finds it weird or thinks they’re above it, you know that’s not the person for you. But, if they go along with it, you learn a couple different positive things about them: 1) They aren’t afraid to have a little fun. 2) They can go with the flow. 3) They’re open to trying new things, even though they may be a bit uncomfortable. All good traits you should be looking for.
We’re back with the weirdness confessions, so here we go!
Am I making you hungry yet?
- The only salad I like is from Olive Garden (And I don’t like salad dressing. Not really a salad person).
- I cannot do a cartwheel to save my life and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to. We had a unit in first grade gym where we had to learn cartwheels and needless to say, I failed miserably.
- When I first saw the word “epitome”, I thought it was pronounced “epi-toume” (like ‘epi-tomb’, without the ‘b’ at the end).
- 7 is my favorite number. (Fun fact: It was also my roll number every year til 8th grade).
- I think white chocolate is underrated.
- Lou Malnati’s is my favorite deep dish pizza (aka the best deep dish in Chicago).
- I didn’t know what a “block” was until I was 18 and started going to school in the city. If someone told me to walk 3 blocks, I’d just get more confused.
- I have 2 stretch marks on my left knee and I have no clue as to how they came into existence.
- My favorite Disney movie is the Lion King. I’ve always wanted to go see it on Broadway.
- If I see an actor/actress in a movie or TV show that I recognize from somewhere else, I HAVE to figure out where they’re from, otherwise I cannot focus on what I am currently viewing.
- I don’t like water with the “added for taste” minerals. (Water is supposed to be tasteless. Why ruin a good thing with minerals?)
- For the longest time, I thought the phrase “beggars can’t be choosers” was actually “buyers can’t be choosers”. (Don’t worry. I see the flaw in my thinking now.)
- One of my earliest memories is looking out of a huge window wall in Switzerland and seeing all the snow on the mountains.
- My first pet was a guppy fish named Ruby who lived for two years.
- I can only wink one eye and raise one eyebrow, both on the left side.
Here’s to being weird Mimi. May we all find someone whose weirdness is just as crazy as ours.
Being called weird is like being called limited edition. It means you’re something that people don’t see that often. Remember that.
Choo choo! Jump aboard the drama train, cuz it’s a movin’! All these crazy women are back, ladies and gentlemen!
First Chris^2 go party crashing around LA. I didn’t even know that people had Bachelor viewing parties. Is this a thing? It’s literally a bunch of screaming girls jumping all over the place. Why, just why?! I will never understand. Chris says there’s nothing more fun than going around with Chris Harrison doing this. Really Chris, because I can think of 2782935792385 more things more fun than being surrounded by estrogen filled women with nothing better to do on Monday nights.
Wow, Chris actually begins by setting the scene like “A Tale of Two Cities” with that exact same opening line. Yeah cuz the Bachelor is exactly like the start of the French Revolution. Makes perfect sense. Next come the girls. I forgot how many there were.
After watching the playback (dang there really was a loooooooot of drama this season), Britt starts getting emotional and asks Carly why she pretended to be her friend the whole time. She described a scenario where they were having deep conversations and listening to music together and Carly doesn’t know what to say. She is literally trying to come up with a decent answer on the spot. Chris H. then calls Britt up to the “hot seat”. Then Jillian, out of nowhere, starts bashing Carly about how mean she was to Britt and tensions are running high. I’m talking like outer space high. Chris asks Jade what she thought and of course she agrees with Carly and you can see how people are taking sides based on their friendships.
I don’t know how to exactly narrate what happened next, but Chris asks Britt if she really would have lived in Arlington and she says yes, while Carly tells an entirely different story. They argue a lot about what was said and what might have been taken the wrong way and Chris Harrison finally interrupts and declares that they will never see eye to eye, which is 149% true. Britt says that she went on the show to find love and she thinks that she would’ve ended up with Chris if it weren’t for Carly. They cut away for commercial and come back early to show Britt saying again, privately this time, to Chris Harrison that she really thinks she could’ve ended up with Chris. I disagree with this, because if you recall, Britt was already ready to leave the show the night she was sent home and that was NOT because of Carly. It was because of Kaitlyn getting the rose instead of her and she was upset about that. So, as far as that goes, I don’t really know how much I’m buying what she’s selling.
There are few things in this world that unite everyone. One of them is Buzzfeed quizzes. These quizzes are literally the biggest time wasters you will ever have, but you will never consider these as such, because hey! I’m learning about myself and if I really am the next Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (you will sadly not get this reference at first read). So, throughout my high school and college career, where time is most abundantly wasted, here is a complete profile of myself, based entirely off Buzzfeed quizzes that I have taken. With, of course, my commentary sporadically given.
-There are a lot. I apologize for this in advance. Hope you don’t get too bored going through all of them.
-I’m not going to link each quiz because let’s face it, I’m not THAT nice and more honestly, I don’t have that much time. But, if you every want to take any of these, a simple google search of “buzzfeed (insert quiz name/topic) quiz” will suffice.
-These are in no particular order. It is completely random.
-Some of these may overlap. It is not my fault. I have taken so many of them that I can not be responsible for remembering all of them.
-I have bolded the ones that are actually true about me. Just so you’re not confused lol.
Here we go.
I should’ve majored in computer science (ha! No) ★ The female literary character that I am is Jo March, from Little Women ★ I should compete on the show Cupcake Wars on the Food Network (I don’t even like cupcakes that much) ★ I am two parts old lady to three parts young (this is probably accurate) ★ I am the classic SNL character Matt Foley ★ I am attracted to awkward, yet adorable British gentlemen (sure, why not) ★ I have done my fair share of living, but I am actually not living life to my fullest ★ I embody the city of Barcelona ★ The Tiffany/classic engagement ring is perfect for me (umm depends) ★ I am the Pixar movie Brave ★ The fictional city I should actually live in is Rivendell from Lord of the Rings ★ I should’ve actually gone to Harvard (yeah no) ★ The food that matches my personality is a sandwich ★ I am not a butthole at all ★ I should actually be an astronaut (what?) ★ I am the Corgi dog ★ I eat like a small child ★ I will be a helicopter parent ★ I am the dancing twins emoji (I prefer the dancing lady one) ★ I am Tiana, from the Disney Princesses ★ The Disney couple that is my ideal relationship is Anna and Kristoff from Frozen ★ I am straddling the line between cool and uncool (no way. I am all cool) ★ The girlscout cookie that is me is chocolate chip shortbread ★ I am single because I am too perfect (cheers to that) ★ I am a suddenly single serial dater ★ I should be in the “best friends” relationship ★ I am so emotionally unavailable that I am “frozen” (okay not that much) ★ The dinosaur I am is the dilophosaurus ★ I should get a teeny tiny tattoo someplace cute like behind my ear or on the inside of my wrist (I wish) ★ I am the shark Mark Cuban from Shark Tank ★ If I were elected president, I would be going on Mount Rushmore, striding along the best presidents in history ★ Ombre hair is the trendy thing I would really love if I actually tried it (I don’t think I can pull it off) ★ My fate in the Hunger Games would be death. I succumbed to a career during the final showdown ★ Continue reading
Hopefully this post will be shorter than the last, so here goes nothing. Welcome to hometown week y’all!
But, before that, we have the drama with Britt. As the rest of the girls talk about what happened the night before (read: gossip and overanalyze), Britt comes in and tells all of them that she is leaving. She doesn’t think that Chris is the man for her and doesn’t want to introduce him to her family next week. DIDN’T I CALL THIS? Read the last post if you don’t believe me! Carly does 436457389475 different voiceovers/interviews explaining how Britt always wants to be the center of attention, how she wants Chris to fight for her, how she is always so used to getting what she wants and when she finally realizes that Chris is forming relationships with other people, Britt wants to get out while she still can without looking like she was dumped. Carly goes “I don’t feel bad for Britt at all. It’s fun to see her squirm”. Homegirl even calls Britt out pretty much saying that “you say you are leaving now, but after you talk with Chris, you’re going to magically stay because you always change your mind whenever Chris tells you something and you always manipulate him”. Okay maybe not that last part directly, but it was inferred (confirmed in the 436457389476th interview). Well be careful Carls, because karma has a way of working things in lightning speed on the Bachelor. (Remember what happened to Kelsey and Ashley?)
I know what you did.
Oh and through all of this, Becca has a date! Nothing much happened except they chill at Chris’ apartment, which looked like my hotel room from when I stayed at Yellowstone National Park, and they watch the sunset. Becca tells Chris she has never been in love. Join the club Becca.
“Up next, it’s the most dramatic rose ceremony ever” *Chris Harrison voice*. Yeah, cuz you’ve only been saying that for 8 weeks in a row now. There is no time to talk because Chris has made up his mind. In the middle of facing the girls and talking, right before he is going to hand out roses, Britt interrupts him and they go somewhere else to talk. RIGHT after they leave, all the girls start gossiping like little old ladies again. I’m surprised Britt and Chris didn’t hear them on their way out of the room; it was that instant.
So we have come to week 7 of el bach-e-lor. And apparently it is a special two-night event because it is sooo big. It seems like they enjoy overemphasizing things. Also, can I just say that there is absolutely no reason for Chris Harrison to do dramatic turns and hand movements while turning towards different cameras. This is a reality dating show, not an intense murder mystery. In fact, there only needs to be one camera, if any, for him to talk to.
Sorry, I had to.
First off there is something called “Chris Tells All” where the bachelor himself and a couple other people sit down and talk about stuff that happened and reveal oh so many juicy secrets that we have failed to see as viewers because we were too busy cringing at the show for 2 hours voluntarily each Monday night than actually watching it. Personally, I think this part is dumb. As they say, a picture (or heavily edited reality TV) is worth more than the not even thousand words that Chris can barely get out of his mouth.
Chris Tells All
First we have Kelsey, that pompous girl whose laugh I cannot ever believe is actually real. Chris Harrison pretty much just asks her why she is so fake, if she thinks she is smarter than the other girls (she takes a long pause, answers ‘yes’ in her head, replies ‘no’ out loud and then they show a bunch of clips of her saying otherwise…good edit producers) and why she is so controversial. To which she does that horrid laugh and asks if she’s really that controversial and then goes on to use a sentence like, and I quote “a flippant comment was misconstrued and had I known I would’ve ameliorated it”. Now mind you, I actually had to look up the word ‘ameliorated’ to make sure she used it in the right context. You know, because all normal people use that word in everyday conversation. Later on though, she does say she had no malintentions, which BOOM sister! That is not a real word! It is appearing as a red squiggly underline in my word document. Justice has been served. She also says that being confronted by the other girls later on will be a crucifixion. Umm, don’t you think that is a little bit extreme to describe a social situation in which people are just talking. Then again, these are girls we’re talking about, so according to Ellie Goulding, anything can happen.
So Valentine’s Day is here. Love is in the air as they say. Well blech. Tell love to stop contaminating my air.
Yes, it’s true. Your older seemingly sweet sister is one of those mean old grouches who hates Valentine’s Day. You might say, oh you just don’t like Valentine’s Day because you don’t have a valentine. Well bah humbug! I wouldn’t celebrate it even if I did have one. And single’s awareness day isn’t that much better either. (But I do love a good Galentine’s Day, if only I had a Leslie Knope in real life).
My homegirl, Leslie Knope. Preach sister, preach!
Valentine’s Day to me honestly is one of the stupidest days in the year. I mean, the concept of love if already so embedded within our society year round with all of the love songs, rom coms, the best friends getting together in pretty much every single TV show. Why do we need to furthermore dedicate a whole day to it, while on top of it, making single people feel like crap that they haven’t that person yet or desperate to find someone, even it’s the hobo down the street, just to feel like they’re not alone? It’s ridiculous!
People in relationships already enjoy their relationships all the time, so why do they need a specific day to enjoy it more? Now, I know I’m no romantic at heart or whatever, but if you need to show someone how much you love them on a commercialized day of the year, that is pretty sad in my not-so-humble opinion. You should be showing the person that you are with how much you love them every single day of every single year that you have together, not just on one day. I have a theory that this day was made up by chocolatiers and florists, who weren’t getting enough business, like “hey! Why don’t we dupe people into thinking that they need to give these things to their beloved on this dumb day so that we can increase our business!” Seriously.