Blogging the Bachelor: Season 21, Episode 2

Dear Mimi,

Let’s just dive right in (is Alexis rubbing off on me?).

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This should have been her opening line.

Tonight on the Bachelor…there’s a helicopter ride, something with wedding dress, a ferris wheel, and oh goody, lots and lots of drama. Nick’s biggest fear is already that this is gonna blow up in his face and some girl slaps him (Josephine I think?).

First off, Corinne toasts to Nick and everyone is so excited that they can’t sleep. They all gush about Nick. Josephine is bursting with excitement. Now they’re just waiting for the date card besides all yelling Nick’s name in unison.

Right on cue, we get Chris Harrison. He explains how this works. There’s 2 group dates and 1 one-on-one date. He also states that not everyone will get a date this week, so aka no useless tears while complaining about time. First group date: Corinne, Vanessa, Sarah, Alexis, Hailey, Lacey, Brittany, Jasmine, Raven, Danielle L., Taylor, and Elizabeth W. Corinne goes “I’ve never been a bridesmaid”, probably because she doesn’t have that many friends. She also states she’d marry Nick today if she could. Girl, you barely know him. Hug tokens don’t lead to marriage.

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Literally an inner working of Corinne’s brain at this point.

They reach the venue and they all start running but I don’t think they know where they’re going. Lacey says that Nick could wear a potato sack and still look good. Ehh, debatable. Nick pretty much tells the girls that these dates are weird so have fun and don’t take it seriously. Wow, this is much more needed than you would think. They’re talking wedding photos today, so ha! Thing is though they’re all assigned a type of bride. Vanessa is the 80s bride, Alexis is a shotgun bride, and Brittany is an Adam and Eve bride so she only gets an underwear to wear?! How classy and non-demeaning. Everyone else is alas, a bridesmaid. And then of course, with no time for formalities, the drama begins. Corinne goes on and on about how she’s not wearing that much and she’s the hottest bride and how she’s already kissed Nick, and Taylor gets offended, saying she think Corinne is trying to psyche her out and girl, it’s already working. Next Brittany steps into the room half-naked and you can see Corinne’s face go from 100 to 0, real quick. There’s more than one problem going on here already.

And now time for the photos. We have an elopement marriage with Sarah, which is all kinds of weird, then we have a Biker wedding with Hailey, which why would anyone want that, then a shotgun wedding with Alexis, which OMG why is everything with this girl so cringey, then the 1980’s bride crew with Vanessa, which was one of the better shoots. Jasmine G., is already complaining and she kisses Nick. Umm hello, you’re the bridesmaid, not the bride. Danielle L., has the traditional wedding and she looks stunning. Everyone is kissing Nick now, but Lacey definitely takes the cake. She exclaims “tastes like Danielle” when Lacey kisses Nick after Danielle does and I just feel like it can’t get any weirder than that.

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Blogging the Bachelor: Season 21, Episode 1

Dear Mimi,

Here we go again. As I get ready to sit through these 2 hours of pure imposition, I must inform you of my technique.

  1. I have not read or heard about or looked up or know of ANY spoilers. I am merely watching episode by episode with no other input. I have other things to do than look up anything further of the Bachelor fandom.
  2. I am writing my thoughts and my notes as I am watching the episodes in Real Time. Here is my set up.

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    Bachelor on top, Blogging on bottom

  3. All opinions are my own and it’s all in good fun. Please do not be mean for having a different perspective.
  4. At the end of this episode, I will announce who I think will land in the  final four and the person I see “winning”. I figure I am going to fail horribly at this.
  5. Enjoy!

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The Marshmallow Test

Dear Mimi,

Let’s just get this out of the way. 2016 sucked. Sure there were a few good things scattered here or there, but the majority of it was just crappy.

But life isn’t all good things. There are ups and downs, good and bad. Some years were better than others, and unfortunately, 2016 wasn’t one of them.

Personally, 2016 was rough. There were some very depressing family issues I had to deal with, and some members I didn’t get to see at all. It’s astonishing to think that sometimes these issues were there all along, but the innocence and liveliness of childhood does such a dang good job of masking them. Seeing all of these things in a new light made me wish I wasn’t getting older. It wasn’t that things didn’t work themselves out, they did, but I didn’t get to be a part of it like I had hoped for so long.

Then, my career plans came to a standby. Again, it was a test of patience. I got into medical school, but not the one I wanted. I had to question and re-question whether it was something I really wanted to do. I had to take another year off and apply again since the school offered me a spot for Fall 2017. Some people rejected me for choosing to follow my dreams. It was so bizarre for me. Everything I had planned out so perfectly the year before was thrown back at me in my face and fell at my feet. As a Type-A personality, this was the hardest thing for me to swallow.

After that, I had to face realities with places close to my heart, countries I thought would always welcome me with open arms. This year I learned that majority of the world chooses to hate instead of love, chooses to separate instead of combine, chooses to destroy instead of build up. Whether I went back to my parents’ home country, or stayed in mine, I felt isolated and on edge, that someone might say something, that something might happen. Neither place felt like home anymore and neither place completed me, when once upon a time, both did.

And finally, for the first time in my life, I had my heart cracked, if not broken. I gave someone my heart who did not want it, and sometimes, if I’m being honest, I still think about what life would be like if he had just given me a chance. But more than that, even the rishta process was exhausting. In the past 12 months, I’ve had 18 rishtas. It’s not fun, it never was. I hate going through these profiles, one after the other, like I’m buying a house or a new car. At this point, my heart not only has walls around it, but an army guarding its safety. I just wish someone would be brave, strong, smart, and kind enough to break through everything and take care of it forever.

In the late 1960s and early 1970s, Walter Mischel, a professor at Stanford, conducted an experiment, which has been repeated many times over. The premise is very simple. You give a child a marshmallow and give them 2 options: 1) they could eat it now, or 2) if they waited until you came back, they would get another marshmallow provided they hadn’t eaten the first one already. One treat now, or two treats later. Keep in mind that these children don’t know how long it will be til the adult comes back. It seems like a very easy test, but the results were astounding. After continuing to do long term follow ups and analysis, Mischel found that children who waited for the second marshmallow proved to be more intelligent and successful in life. They had higher test scores, lower obesity rates, better social skills, and higher paying jobs.

Similarly, our whole lives are a series of marshmallow tests. God is always testing us and life is full of curveballs. But, if we are patient, things will get better. Yet, patience is not just about waiting. It’s about trusting in God’s plan and having a positive attitude while waiting. A lot of the kids who waited trusted the researcher that better things were coming and found ways to keep themselves occupied whilst waiting. We have to keep going, actively trying to better ourselves and have faith that good things are coming. Without hope, we have no purpose, nothing to look forward to. It’s said time and time again, however cliché it may sound: good things come to those who wait.

Overall, 2016 was filled with many sleepless nights and even more tears. I worried I would fall back into depression, and sometimes, I got really close. But this year also strengthened my relationship with God. For the first time in a while, I had to trust Him with every ounce of my being and rely on Him completely, which I’m trying my level best to do. And who can be any better to trust than the One who knows what’s coming? He’s the One that has a plan, the One that makes no mistakes, and the One that knows the reason for everything.

Keep on trekking Mimi. I have faith 2017 will bring 2 marshmallows.

Love,

Didi

Rishta Report: What Aunties Don’t Tell You

Dear Mimi,

Welcome to my new little tid-bit, Rishta Report. As I continue to go thru this tumultuous journey that Nani is convinced is actually one of the best things I can do, might as well share them all with you, so that you know what to expect when you’re older. Or you can wallow with me in your misfortune when your time comes. Either one, your choice.

Starting now, I’ll “report” (see what I did there) on the ups and (hopefully not many) downs of this process, and we’ll see how it goes. Better than being on ‘The Bachelor’, right?


Rishta Report: What the Aunties Don’t Tell You

Once you hit 20, all the aunties automatically know. It’s like they have an alarm so that they know when they can start pestering you about getting married. Where these alarms are, I have yet to find out. But when I do, I will destroy them all. I promise.

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Anyway, so now all the aunties are telling you how great it is to be married and automatically deem themselves the matchmaker lady of the world, so they’re all throwing these guys at you and you’re just existing, feeling like this:

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I swear to you, it’s in the auntie handbook. Page 1: ‘First Rule of Being an Auntie: Encourage marriage at all opportunities. Heck, don’t even wait for an opportunity. Just bring it up always and often. And continuously have different rishtas to suggest’. There you go.

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#RishtaRoulette

Dear Mimi,

The struggles of a brown girl to get married is not one to overlook. Oh the guys you’ll come across. It’s quite a disgrace to the rest of the brown population.

Hence, I’m introducing a new segment that perfectly captures this experience. Introducing #RishtaRoulette.

So world, if you have any weird, awkward, funny, or embarrassing rishta stories, let me know below! I would love to feature them in this section, mainly because I’m really hoping I’m not the only one with the misfortune of meeting people like this:

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Also, while we’re speaking of the horrors of the rishta process, check out The Single Muslimah. She captures the essence of it in hilarious memes. It’s definitely worth a look-see.

Enjoy your childhood Mimi.

Love,

Didi

Learning to Let Go

Dear Mimi,

I wanted to write this post a while ago, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it until now.

Several months ago, I met this guy. And yes, throughout life, you will meet many guys etcetera etcetera. But this guy was different. He was everything any girl, and more specifically I, would ever want: tall, handsome, smart, funny, kind, responsible, caring, trustworthy, successful. He was beyond my wildest dreams. I had lost hope that guys like him even existed, let alone having the pleasure of meeting one.

We were introduced by mutual friends and things proceeded smoothly. We talked, I met his parents, he met mine. Just the thought of him made me excited for the future and there was no doubt in my mind that he was ‘the one’. I didn’t even deserve him. He was too good for me. I considered myself lucky just to be able to get to know him. Things were going great.

Until they weren’t. Continue reading

Fun Questions to Ask When Getting to Know Someone to Make It Less Awkward

Dear Mimi,

First dates, or even first meetings, can be less than graceful. With the holiday season upon us, it’s impossible to predict where we’ll meet someone: at holiday parties, on the plane, happening to pick the last item of something and fighting over it on Black Friday. The possibilities are endless. And heck, for us desi girls, meeting with a rishta for the first time can be (sorry, IS) all sorts of gawky and unpleasant. My advice? Make it into a game.

Okay before you jump to ‘my sister is inexcusably crazy’, hear me out. In the end, we all want someone who we can laugh, have fun, and be ourselves with. And what better litmus test? If the person you’re talking to finds it weird or thinks they’re above it, you know that’s not the person for you. But, if they go along with it, you learn a couple different positive things about them: 1) They aren’t afraid to have a little fun. 2) They can go with the flow. 3) They’re open to trying new things, even though they may be a bit uncomfortable. All good traits you should be looking for.

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15 More Things My Husband Unconditionally, Totally Must Know About Me

Dear Mimi,

We’re back with the weirdness confessions, so here we go!


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Am I making you hungry yet?

  1. The only salad I like is from Olive Garden (And I don’t like salad dressing. Not really a salad person).
  2. I cannot do a cartwheel to save my life and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to. We had a unit in first grade gym where we had to learn cartwheels and needless to say, I failed miserably.
  3. When I first saw the word “epitome”, I thought it was pronounced “epi-toume” (like ‘epi-tomb’, without the ‘b’ at the end).
  4. 7 is my favorite number. (Fun fact: It was also my roll number every year til 8th grade).
  5. I think white chocolate is underrated.
  6. Lou Malnati’s is my favorite deep dish pizza (aka the best deep dish in Chicago).
  7. I didn’t know what a “block” was until I was 18 and started going to school in the city. If someone told me to walk 3 blocks, I’d just get more confused.
  8. I have 2 stretch marks on my left knee and I have no clue as to how they came into existence.
  9. My favorite Disney movie is the Lion King. I’ve always wanted to go see it on Broadway.
  10. If I see an actor/actress in a movie or TV show that I recognize from somewhere else, I HAVE to figure out where they’re from, otherwise I cannot focus on what I am currently viewing.
  11. I don’t like water with the “added for taste” minerals. (Water is supposed to be tasteless. Why ruin a good thing with minerals?)
  12. For the longest time, I thought the phrase “beggars can’t be choosers” was actually “buyers can’t be choosers”. (Don’t worry. I see the flaw in my thinking now.)
  13. One of my earliest memories is looking out of a huge window wall in Switzerland and seeing all the snow on the mountains.
  14. My first pet was a guppy fish named Ruby who lived for two years.
  15. I can only wink one eye and raise one eyebrow, both on the left side.

Here’s to being weird Mimi. May we all find someone whose weirdness is just as crazy as ours.

Love,

Didi

Being called weird is like being called limited edition. It means you’re something that people don’t see that often. Remember that.

4AM Friends

Dear Mimi,

Awhile ago, I met this guy who was absolutely incredible. Smart, tall, funny, handsome, and more, he was everything I had ever wanted. Naturally, what is the first thing I did after I met said guy? I’m a girl, so obviously I’m gonna tell my best friends.

Now, here’s the thing about our friendship. We don’t see each other often, but when we do, we hang out for hours and talk about everything. It’s like there was never a break in between. Sure, sometimes we text each other, and talk on the phone, but nothing beats in-person conversation.

So one night, after getting frappés from McDonald’s, we sat in her car in my driveway, as I told her all about him. I vented to her about my insecurities, how I was excited, yet terrified, eager, yet cautious. After listening to me get giddy over some dude I had only met a few times, she asked me a question, “How much do you think it’ll wreck you if it doesn’t work out?”

At the time, it was a slap in the face. I paused out of shock and she repeated herself. I answered honestly, but I was baffled. Why would she ask me something like that? Shouldn’t she be excited for me? I know she wasn’t jealous since she was already engaged, and I was so confused. Why would she think about that? Even I hadn’t thought about that. And why would she choose that as the first question to ask? What kind of person does that?

Well Mimi, a true friend does that.

You see, she was asking me the questions I was too afraid to ask myself. She was protecting me from getting hurt or getting too entangled by making me consider a possibility I didn’t want to. She, in her own subtle way, was reminding me to ground myself. If she had told me straight up, perhaps I wouldn’t have listened so attentively.

These are the friends we need Mimi. Friends who see things that we don’t; friends that understand us, sometimes, better than we understand ourselves. Friends who will always want the best for you and will do whatever it takes to make sure you get it, even if they know the truth will hurt you.

Find these friends, and hold on to them. Those who aren’t afraid to tell it like it is. Those who will support you even if they don’t agree with you. Those who make you think about what you really want. Those who push you to your limits and encourage your dreams. Those who make you think about all the possibilities. Those who will lift you up when it seems everyone else is pushing you down. Those who see the light in you when you’re convinced that it’s gone. Those who include you in their futures. Those who you can spend hours laughing with. Those who are your soulmates before any guy ever was. Those who feel lucky to have a friend like you. Those who already know your deepest and darkest fears. Those who you can spend forever with and still not run out of things to discuss. Those who make you feel like together, you can rule the world. Those who you trust. Those who you can call at 4AM.

One of my favorite sayings (hadiths) of the Prophet Muhammad (SAW) says that “souls that recognize each another unite in harmony, and those that do not are at odds”. This means that we knew our friends in heaven, and God has blessed us with meeting them again on the Earth. May He grant us all friends that we will reunite with again in Heaven, and until then, make the journey on Earth a little more enjoyable.

Love,

Didi

Friends show their love in times of trouble, not in happiness. ~Euripides

True friends say good things behind your back, and bad things to your face.